Friday, July 24, 2009

Just When You Think Your Head is on Straight...

This week has been a rough one from an emotional point of view. I was thinking I was really settled about the breast cancer impact on my life, and then a woman my age in my community, with children who are the same age and friends of my children, dies of breast cancer. She and I were acquaintances. We would always say hello and make small talk when we bumped into each other, but her death threw me for a loop.

Combining that with other stressors, I started to sob last night...for two hours. I couldn't stop crying. Poor David did not know what to do to comfort me. My dogs climbed on my lap and licked my tears. I was inconsolable, and finally, the last drop fell, and I was totally drained, exhausted, and feeling like some of the pent-up angst that has been following me since my diagnosis last September was gone. Cathartic for sure, but also for sure to happen again.

I HATE this disease. It robs families and communities and steals your courage. It takes your free spirit away with the worry that this "beast" is lurking somewhere.

Tuesday, July 7, 2009

Climbing Over the Mountain

Last night, I went to the Hopewell Cancer Center Support Group after a brief hiatus, and noticed how very far I have come from an emotional perspective. There really is another side to the mountain, and I am seeing the world in a much happier and positive way.

Ten months ago, my world seemed pretty bleak, particularly, since I couldn't take my thoughts away from my mother's death, and wondering if that was going to be my demise from this beastly disease. I fretted that I was never going to see my daughters married or grandchildren or live to enjoy the retirement, we have carefully saved for. The future did not look very positive at the time.

Today, while I think about the cancer, it's not an every day, every hour focus of life. It happened. It was treated. It continues to be treated with Tamoxifen. It's the best it can be. Like I said in the last blog, I'm looking at it as a message to reevaluate my life and appreciate what is most important.

I have been so lucky - terrific and loving husband, wonderful daughters, adorable dogs, great friends, and life's comforts. I am blessed.