Today I'm Scared...

I think it hit me again. In two days, I'll be having the surgery and I'm really scared. Even David came over to me with a hug, crying, saying how he can't think about it or talk about it without crying. He is so frightened. While cognitively we both know that the initial pathology is very optimistic, until we get the surgical pathology back, we will still doubt, and then after that, just knowing that the "enemy" has visited and has the ability to return will always haunt us. It just sucks!

Meanwhile, our house isn't going anywhere. The new house will be ready in 3 weeks, and the market continues to suck. The money I want to put into the house will be worth nothing by the time we go to settlement the way the market is. It makes me wonder if we're getting a message from a higher authority about all of this.

On the positive side, the women who are my work project team leaders have taken all responsibility away from me this week and told me they are managing things and not to worry. I should just concentrate on me. Who can ask for anything better than that? Yet I hate so much not to maintain control of things.

Rachel will be coming in this afternoon for the holiday. I can't wait to see her. She always makes me laugh, and heavens knows, I can use it right now. She will stay until after the surgery to help us and keep David company while I'm having the procedure. I worry so much for my David. He's my life!

L'Shana Tova to my Jewish friends who are reading this. I pray we all have a happy and HEALTHY New Year!